Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We need a shit load of segways right now
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
