his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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