I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
