I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
