my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
