oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
