She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
