He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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