You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
