apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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