I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
