mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
that may or may not have been my penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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