Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
