remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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