just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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