Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
