Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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