Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
