i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
