I wish my penis had an off switch
I CAN MOONWALK!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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