I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
