She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
