so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
