i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
