so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
