Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
