if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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