just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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