To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
