oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
