im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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