I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
