Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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