I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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