Kiss
Puke
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
