You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
