I hate all girls vehemently.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
