She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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