4 words: hood of his car
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
