so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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