I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And then he peed in my hair
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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