We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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