I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
