I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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