If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
