Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
