hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
