They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
