well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
