we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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