You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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