redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Alive.
So much puke
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
